Corporate Agenda

Our Demands. Your Daily Pain.

Non-negotiable workplace reforms — backed by office workers and zero HR approval.

5 Core Demands

1
📅

Abolish Monday Morning Standups

No more "quick 15 min" meetings that steal your soul before coffee kicks in.

2
💰

Legally Binding Increment Promises

If HR says "budget constraints," show them our constraint: your rent.

3
🍱

30-Minute Lunch Break Is A Crime

Eating at your desk is not a lifestyle. It's a violation of human decency.

4
📧

Reply-All Should Be Punishable

One "Thanks" should not trigger 47 emails and an existential crisis.

5
⚖️

PIP = Persecution In Progress

Rename it honestly. The people deserve transparency.

10-Point Corporate Charter

  1. 1 Mandatory agenda for every meeting — or automatic cancellation with confetti.
  2. 2 Appraisal ratings must be backed by evidence stronger than "vibes."
  3. 3 Reply-all without business impact shall be a punishable offense.
  4. 4 Lunch breaks shall be sacred, uninterrupted, and longer than a standup.
  5. 5 "Urgent" messages sent after 7 PM shall expire unread without penalty.
  6. 6 Free snacks shall never be listed as "Total Rewards."
  7. 7 PIP shall be renamed "Persecution In Progress" in all internal docs.
  8. 8 WFH shall be a default right, not a manager's mood.
  9. 9 Every sprint retro must include one actionable item that is actually actioned.
  10. 10 Increment promises made in January shall be fulfilled before the next January.
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