Corporate Agenda

Our Demands. Your Daily Pain.

Non-negotiable workplace reforms — backed by office workers and zero HR approval.

5 Core Demands

1
📅

Abolish Monday Morning Standups

No human being should share blockers before 10 AM. It is medically unsafe. We have the data (anecdotal).

2
💰

Legally Binding Increment Promises

If HR says "budget constraints," they must show the budget. No budget shown = no constraint valid = pay up.

3
🍱

Eating At Your Desk Is A War Crime

A lunch "break" spent on Slack is not a break. It's corporate theft. CJP will file the FIR.

4
📧

Reply-All Is A Punishable Offense

Sending "Thanks!" to 62 people shall carry a minimum sentence of one week of read-only Slack access.

5
⚖️

PIP = Persecution In Progress

Rename it honestly in all HR documentation. Transparency is a core value — apparently only for us.

10-Point Corporate Charter

  1. 1 Mandatory agenda for every meeting — or automatic cancellation with confetti.
  2. 2 Appraisal ratings must be backed by evidence stronger than "vibes."
  3. 3 Reply-all without business impact shall be a punishable offense.
  4. 4 Lunch breaks shall be sacred, uninterrupted, and longer than a standup.
  5. 5 "Urgent" messages sent after 7 PM shall expire unread without penalty.
  6. 6 Free snacks shall never be listed as "Total Rewards."
  7. 7 PIP shall be renamed "Persecution In Progress" in all internal docs.
  8. 8 WFH shall be a default right, not a manager's mood.
  9. 9 Every sprint retro must include one actionable item that is actually actioned.
  10. 10 Increment promises made in January shall be fulfilled before the next January.
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